I have a confession to make. It's embarrassing. It may even make you dislike me a little (or a lot). I'm going to share something real here and let the chips fall where they may because I know there are other women out there who have similar struggles.
I've been working in the fitness industry since 2007, but I have never once attempted to squat my body weight. I have no idea what my one rep max is. I've never done a real Crossfit workout. I don't do Olympic lifting because I'm scared of getting hurt. In fact, I've shied away from any workouts that could add too much muscle mass to my body.
Not only am I a huge CHICKEN, but I am scared (terrified really) of getting "big." As in, gaining so much muscle mass/bulk that I'm bursting at the seams of my clothes and no longer able to wear things like skinny jeans or oxford shirts. I have a closet full of great clothes (I don't only wear Reebok!) and what if I get so big that nothing fits?
What? You thought fitness pros are immune from body image issues and insecurities like everyone else?
Fear of Bigness
As a result of this irrational fear of bigness, I have intentionally held myself back in strength training workouts. Keep in mind - I've trained hundreds of women to lift heavy weights and none of them has started hulking out (in fact, quite the contrary - they only get smaller), but inside my head, I am the exception. I will be the one case where BOOM - overnight - I hulk out and get so massively muscular that I'm relegated to a life of stretchy clothes and athleisure wear like leggings and tank tops.
HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT?!
As a Personal Trainer, I *know* that building muscle takes time and doesn't just happen overnight, especially for women. I know that more muscle means a leaner, tighter, more athletic looking physique. I know that more lean muscle mass means a higher and more efficient metabolism.
And yet - this mental block still exists.
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL
To complicate matters, working out is part of my job, but they aren't really MY workouts. I'm required to teach a certain number of classes each week and expected to deliver the programs I teach at a high fitness level, but the workouts are for my class members - not me. I've been teaching these programs for 10 years and while they continue to keep me fit and healthy, I know that the key to really changing my physique, changing the actual shape of my body, is only to be found on the weight room floor.
Here's my current teaching schedule:
Monday: BODYPUMP Express (45 mins.) - this is high rep, light weight strength training
Tuesday: BODYCOMBAT Express (30 mins.) + CXWorx (30 mins.) - this is cardio and core.
Wednesday: BODYFLOW (55 mins.) - A combination of yoga and Pilates. That's in the morning. At 5:30 p.m. I teach BODYPUMP again.
Thursday: BODYCOMBAT Express (30 mins.) + CXWorx (30 mins.) - cardio and core again
I'm teaching 4-5 hours a week and it's almost all cardio. (Full disclosure: some of these classes are temporary and I am only teaching them for 3 months - or less ideally.) Right now, I'm probably getting in ONE workout of my own in each week. ((womp womp))
Teaching classes changed my body and my life, but at some point - your body adapts and, as a result, it stops changing.
Once you have a base level of fitness, to continue making gains you don't need more volume. What you need is intensity.
Enter: Fast Physique.
LOOK LIKE YOU LIFT
I've finally had enough! I'm tired of not being strong enough to do the things I want to do! I'm tired of looking the same year after year. Of being softer and feeling weaker than I'd like. I now want something different and new and yeah - BIG.
Today, I invested in Fast Physique, a new 9-week training program from my friend Jill Coleman designed to CHANGE THE LOOK of the female body through heavy weight training, HIIT, and metabolic conditioning workouts.
I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm nervous. But I'm SO in and ready for this.
I'm going to be keep you guys posted on my journey for the next 9 weeks. I'll be blogging about the workouts and the journey, and of course posting on social about the program as well.